Taking a chance on love

What does it mean to love, or to fall in love?  Why do we feel the need to fall INTO love?  Like falling into a wide chasm that we cannot come out of.  Edward Albee once wrote about "growing into love."  What an incredible sentiment, huh?  Growing into love.  Working through the hurts and baggage of the past in tandem.  Or, at least, working through to loving oneself and one's past, good and bad.  Taking a chance on loving oneself to be able to love one's partner.  How do we do it?

Sometimes the lessons can only be learned in the aftermath of trauma, for there is where great learning often lies.  My friend Lee, one of the sweetest and sagest people I know, spoke of loving the "break up."  From there she always discovered new things about herself.  I understand that cognitively, but living through it can be another story.  We often find ourselves dwelling and ruminating, constantly rationalizing  while still running in circles.  We stay in place, thinking of What-Ifs and Shoulda-Beens.  It can be vicious stasis.  By the same token, we often confront long held beliefs that may no longer work, and solidify what has worked and what is particularly essential for our own emotional health.

Other times, the lessons are learned in the midst of being alone.  Removed from the heartache and soul searching of a break up, these lessons can be both like lightning and like mist.  On one end of the spectrum, they can strike with fury, a sudden jolt that can alter your consciousness in profound and noticeably distinct ways.  They change the way we do things and how we see the world.  On the other end, they can pervade and meander without any real notice, until one day you're sitting in a soft, beautiful spot, enjoying the day and you realize that something you may have believed is no longer the case.  Evolution in an instant, but not really.

And then there are the lessons to be learned in the middle of the relationship.  These are at times the most enlightening and the most mundane of any that one might learn.  The establishment of the physical space and relationship, the communication and acceptance of different viewpoints and ways of doing things into something uniquely shared, and the formation of your own idiosyncratic language of love are all huge lessons learned in the context of any relationship, as well as who takes up more room in the bed and how each person likes their coffee.  In between that figurative pole and antipode, there are a million other lessons that, at the end provide the spine for the pages of this relationship that you have both embarked on.

I recently embarked on such a journey, and I'm learning every day.  Learning to be in the same space and to grow with this man in my life.  Finding that my heart and my life have room to spare for this new person, these new beliefs, and this new way of seeing how the world is and how it can be.  There are difficulties to be sure, but there are also beautiful moments of wonder and undeniable love and care.  All of it is part and parcel with the journey.

That journey, while frightening, is pushing me towards growth I may not have wanted, but nonetheless greatly needed.  To that end, I like to think that the growth is a form of self love, a way for me to know myself in ways I never expected.  As Thanksgiving gives way to Christmas in the following weeks, all I can say is that I count myself immensely and truly blessed.  I give thanks for this new journey and wherever it may lead, and the gift that is growing within myself.  I'm taking a chance on love.